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Trust between parents and their children Discussing the example with the stepmother going through her stepson’s phone made me think a lot about where the line between respecting your children, but at the same time looking out for them is drawn. Growing up my parents has had very different ways to go about this line. My dad has always been very clear with rules, and what’s wrong and right and such, but he also left a lot of space for us to experience and learn from our mistakes.

While my mom was more the kind who wanted to stop us from making them in the first place, which sometimes can be very overwhelming, because that where the boundaries of personal space can be blurred. I remember that I would go mental if she read my text messages, or a letter that was for me, or if she even moved an object in my room, at a very young age. And we would have fights where she would claim that it is her right as a parent to know what is going on, not matter how old I am. But now that I am older I find that I wouldn’t be mad if she did these things, I would be sad and disappointed.

But in my case I don’t have anything to hide, while in the stepson’s case he is actually proving her right in her checking up him, because his actions are those of someone irresponsible, although the stepmother’s actions are of someone who is being disrespectful. That is what makes this particular situation so hard. I remember going through something similar with my little sister, because I tend to be a little too overprotected of her and I worried what she might be influenced to do, simply because I know how hard the “teen world” can be.

So this one time I dropped her off at the dentist office, she asked me to hold on to her phone for her, and my curiosity got the best of me. I read through her texts and actually found a text of about her pretending to be our father saying that she was too sick to come take her test and that he would send her with a note the next day. I was so furious and disappointed that she would do something like that, and that she hadn’t taken the time and effort to study for her test instead.

But I was really torn as to how to go about it, because she is 18, so I had no right to check up on her like that, but at the same time I would except her not to do things like that at her age. I ended up telling her that I had crossed a line and read her text, and as bad as that what I did not like what I found. And of course she got really upset with me, which was very understandable, so I let her yell at me and get that out of her system, and then I apologized and asked if we could talk about and figure out what she felt the need to do something like that.

We ended up having a good long talk, I promised not to tell our parents and never to go through her personal stuff again as long as she promised she would come to me instead of doing something like that again. Of course I wouldn’t know if she did it again, but at least I was honest with her about my mistake, and hopefully she will feel she can do the same with me in the future. So I think there is hope for the stepmother and her stepson. If I was her I would be honest with him, because although it was a wrong move, he is also about to make a bad move, so they both have something to learn from each other.

I don’t however think she should tell his father, because that would be crossing the line of privacy even further, she should apologize and leave up to his conscious as to if he wants to tell his father or not. But regardless, I would advise parents to step carefully when it comes to trust and privacy, because if you push it too far the children won’t feel like the parents can be trusted, and that can ruined the communication, which I believe is the best way to know what is going on with your children.